Fawn and Flower

For Ballet

2012-01-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

When I lived in London, Sam's father, Raymond, gave me a birthday card... it was a piece of paper with a little sketch of me looking very sad. I asked him why I was so sad, and he said sometimes I look like a sad ballerina. Across the top, he'd written, "For Ballet". I was going through some of my pictures yesterday and found that and it made me want to wear my ballerina shirt... I sewed it a couple years ago and I think I've only worn it once! I also found some other pretty amazing things:

One of my aunts does stained glass and she gave me this beautiful headress.

***

MY REAGAN BADGE. LEGENDARY!!!!

***

Maybe best of all...

Library card! I have really been missing this!

Now I can take Priscilla to the library and actually

leave with books.

***

In other news, I decided I hate the photo challenge. I actually continued to take pictures that I wanted to post for the next week or so after my last post, but I absolutely don't give a shit any more. It was a cute one, but I haven't been feeling that positive lately, or at least just not as positive as the challenges were (I still think it's a rad photo challenge, it just didn't suit me).

I'm going to make my own photo challenge that lets me take pictures of stuff that ACTUALLY happens (no more day-to-day dreamy crap!), like... I don't know. Like me being a sad ballerina. I think seeing myself moping around like a dickhead might make me put my face in check the next time I'm feeling bummed out. Like when I find one of Priscilla's sippy cups under the bed and it's been there for so long I can't get the lid off, and the only good thing about it is that I have now identified why her room smelled like a hot summer homeless behind-a-dumpster piss for the past month.

Or things that make me angry, like when I see a shoe in the road. HOW DO YOU JUST LOSE ONE SHOE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMNED ROAD ALL THE TIME. I swear I see at least one a day. Where are all these people, hobbling around with one shoe?!

Anyways, so it won't be ALL negative things, just something more realistic... for me, Miss Badittude.

January Photo Challenge, Days 9-12

2012-01-12T13:48:00.000-07:00

Day 9: Daily Routine

It was my day off. I always watch something weird and take a lot of screenshots that I end up deleting later.

This week it was "Persona" by Ingmar Bergman.

Day 10: Childhood

I made Shrinky Dinks with Priscilla. Barbie stuff for me and a clown for her.

I loved that she got marker all over her face :)

Day 11: Where You Sleep

This one is sad but painfully true.

I sleep on the couch lately because I'm still in fits over my medication and wake Matt up if I'm in our room.

I think I had a convulsion last night. It was terrifying.

Day 12: Close-Up

Trust me, you don't want to see a very good close-up of me today.

Mirror pictures are fun though!

January Photo Challenge, Days 7/8

2012-01-08T14:14:00.001-07:00

Day 7: Favorite

I loved, loved, loved the dress that I wore last night. My hair was pinned up in rope braids and I looked like a little Swiss cow-milker. Ok maybe not that, but I think I looked cute. I also loved my jewelry... the horseshoe ring is from Seth (he had one too!) and the camera ring was a birthday gift from my sister.

Day 8: Your Sky

Quiet, heavy sky today. The air is thick. It's going to snow.

After my last post I ate two sleeping pills. I waited for hours and felt nothing, so Matt and I ordered breakfast and watched Twin Peaks in bed. What in the hell is wrong with Audrey??

Last night, and a lot of garbage about anxiety.

2012-01-08T08:56:00.001-07:00

Brett's going-away party was fun. I drank my PBR with a straw (ever so ladylike) and saw a lot of lovely people. I look like The Church Lady from SNL in that second-to-last picture... "well isn't that special".

I am so exhausted. About two and a half weeks ago (I think?) I started seeing a therapist. He said that I have "acute anxiety disorder" (oh really) and prescribed Prozac and Xanax. I've been prescribed Xanax for my anxiety before, but I am having the most difficult time with the Prozac. He wanted me to start with 20mg (one pill) per day, then take 40mg per day, and finally work up to 60mg each day- for a year. He said that one year from now, I will only be troubled by normal, every-day-type worries, and will never worry needlessly again. I can't even imagine that. So much so that I kind of thought he was blowing smoke up my ass, but I'm willing to give anything a shot.

Anyways, I think the Prozac is going to kill me. I feel so sorry for poor Matt right now. He has had to deal with so much from me already, and now I am ruining his sleep too. He can't even catch a break when he's trying to rest. It's because the Prozac has me in FITS every night. I take it early in the morning, but no matter when I take it, he says that I kick and punch and toss and turn all night long. Imagine trying to sleep next to that. The night before last he woke me up to ask me if I was sleeping at 3AM, and I never went back to sleep. I just sat there in bed panicking about sleeping and disturbing him and then suddenly it was 5AM and I had to get up for work.

Last night he ended up sleeping on the couch because I was bothering him so much. When I realized what was going on, I told him to come back to bed, and I went into Priscilla's room to sleep (she's with her dad for the weekend) so I wouldn't bug him any more. Of course all that switching about made it so I never slept again either... I tried taking a... I can't remember what it's called. Not my Xanax, but a different pill that a different doctor gave me for anxiety, a pill that has some sleep agent in it as well. It didn't do anything though. My heart is going crazy and I feel sick and I hear buzzing sounds. Nice huh.

I tried to call my doctor yesterday to tell him that I'm getting really freaked out about all this, but the triage nurse who answered the phone said that nobody was available to call me back to discuss my medication until Tuesday. "Maybe Monday". That sounds like a bunch of real shit to me, but I feel so lost that I can't tell if it's actually shit, or if it's just me panicking and having anxiety about it, which is why I'm taking it to begin with.

In the meantime, I'll just wait around as patiently as I can, feeling like Ellen Burstyn in Requiem for a Dream. The only real difference between her character and me is that she was so medication-mental that she didn't know what going on any more, whereas I have a small window open upstairs that still lets me feel complete and utter shame over this.

HELLO is it tea you're looking for?

2012-01-07T20:00:00.001-07:00

I'm on my way to a going-away party for a sweet friend who is running away to Australia. I haven't forgotten my photo challenge; I'm counting on a "favorite" picture being taken where I'm going. As in maybe someone will take a picture of Matt and me.

Or at least my dress. My dress is kind of a favorite too. Matt says Twisted Teas are my favorite because I am drinking two of them right now. I bought them yesterday and he opened one today, not knowing what to expect, and surprise, surprise, he is not a fan. His trash is my treasure!

January Photo Challenge, Day 6

2012-01-06T17:16:00.001-07:00

January Photo Challenge

Day 6: Makes You Smile

Heart bokeh, and leaving our Christmas lights up for a little too long...

I love decorating for holidays, but we got kind of lazy for Christmas. These are still the orange lights we put up for Halloween... oops.

Off the wagon and on the town!

2012-01-05T15:29:00.000-07:00

Ok don't be disappointed in me but I kind of fell off the vegan wagon. Like hard. Like I might have broken my knees and back and neck and arms on the way down.

It started on Christmas Eve. Matt had to work but I was off. We decided to meet at The Muzzle Loader for lunch. The Muzzle Loader is famous for its chicken-fried steak and Caesars (I couldn't have Caesars any more because obviously vegans can't drink Clamato juice). I already knew that I was going to cheat and have a Caesar, but I didn't want to order just straight-up chicken either. So I got a chef salad, as if ham, turkey, egg, Swiss and cheddar were any better. Then I totally lost control.

What you see above is everything that I ordered. By myself. Matt just got his chicken-fried steak. I ate probably about 1/4 of it, along with some of his hashbrowns (top left), my salad (top middle), and then I figured, what the hell, and ordered a Ruben and tater tots.

Did I stop there? Oh no. I did not.

I mean. I needed pizza too, right?

I've almost got it under control again. Almost. I'm giving myself one more week and then I'm going back to health-o-rama. I'm glad I'm only on a vegan diet for health reasons or I'd feel really shitty about all of this! But I figured, hey, I quit smoking (go me!) and that is REALLY healthy, so I deserved a little four-course meat and cheese meal and a pizza here and there. I forgive myself.

Self-Inflicted Aerial Nostalgia

2012-01-05T14:48:00.000-07:00

Oregon, 2011

January Photo Challenge, Days 4/5

2012-01-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

January Photo Challenge

Day 4: Letterbox

I had no idea what a letterbox was. I had to email Fat Mum Slim and ask her to please explain.

Day 5: Something You Wore

Glow-in-the-dark lucite insect bracelet. I bought it this summer when Matt, Priscilla, and I drove up the Beartooth Pass. We all got prizes at the store on top of the mountain: a funny pin for Matt that said "I survived the Beartooth Pass", a little purse for Priscilla, and the lucite bracelet for me. Actually, I got two prizes- Matt bought me a surprise buffalo figurine as well because I love them so much :)

January Photo Challenge, Day 3

2012-01-03T23:06:00.001-07:00

Fat Mum Slim's January Photo Challenge, Day 3: Something You Adore

Hm. Remember when I said that I "intend to use my Canon for most of these"? Yeah. I have no idea how I did this, but I lost my SD card. It's only ever in my camera or my laptop, so I don't know how it could magically disappear, but yes, it is gone. So until I find a new one (tomorrow, it has to be tomorrow or I will probably die), I had to use my phone for my picture againnnnnn ahhhh noooo. It happens.

So. I adore this.

This is a bag I keep in my desk drawer. Matt brought it to me one day. He just walked around the corner, set it on my desk, and walked out. My friend Brandi asked what it was and since we both had no idea, we stood over it for a minute, guessing. I am a pig so I guessed food. I think she guessed food too, but only because she knows I am a pig, not because she is one.

But no, it was a sweet little flower, in a sweet little vase, with package twine wrapped around the base and tied into a neat little bow, and the vase was taped to the bottom of the paper bag so that it wouldn't spill.

The flower died but I keep the bag because it's special to me. He took the time to put a little "C" outside and color over it with a Sharpie. I will never throw it away. He doesn't really answer my house-notes or emails so much any more but I think that's just because I babble a lot and don't make a whole lot of sense sometimes, and he is very busy, but I will always adore this little brown paper bag.

January Photo Challenge, Day 2

2012-01-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

Fat Mum Slim's January Photo Challenge, Day 2: Breakfast

Vegan dark chocolate chip pancakes with Earth Balance, and coffee with MimicCream and raspberry-flavored syrup. I only ate one of these... I actually hate pancakes but thought I should try to come up with a better picture than what I usually eat for breakfast (a lemon Rock Star energy drink and some Triscuit crackers).

Speaking of Rock Stars...

Before I left work last night, I asked Matt if he needed anything, and he replied, "Sleeping pills."

I stopped at a Holiday station on my way home and picked up the pills and a couple energy drinks for this morning.

As the kid was ringing me up, he kind of chuckled and said, "This is a funny combination."

I wanted to reply, "That's right. Sleeping pills and energy drinks. I want to feel COMPLETELY FUCKING NORMAL."

Crap, I have to get ready. I've wasted half my morning staging a breakfast I didn't even want :)

Photo Challenge

2012-01-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

I love photo challenges! I am participating in Fat Mum Slim's January 2012 Photo a Day Challenge, and I really mean that. I have to add that last part because last year I even made my own photo challenge but ended up not committing to it. Shame, as I'd done more than half of my challenges, and don't even remember why I ended up stopping because it was actually a lot of fun. At any rate, I'm sticking to this one. If I don't you can punch me right in the baby-maker. That's right. I said it.

#1: You

Me.

[I have nothing better right this second, but intend to use my Canon for most of these]

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

2012-01-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Happy 2012!

Matt and I were watching Sons of Anarchy in bed when the time changed to midnight last night. We heard an explosion, listened, and then went back to our show. When it happened again, we paused the program and Matt peeped through the blinds to see what was outside.

I was thinking, "Meth lab explosion? Car crash?"

Matt said, "It's fireworks."

Oh yeah... New Year's Eve :)

Everybody looking out.

2011-12-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

Sun-dried tomato bread, stuffed with black olives, green olives, garlic, and artichoke hearts.

I've gone to two funerals in two days. Isn't that some shit.

The second one was for my little brother's mom. My heart is breaking for him. He's only 25 and he has no parents already (our dad died when I was in high school). I can't imagine that... he seems to be doing alright but I still feel like I need to take care of him.

Unrelated, I had my first appointment with a new therapist today. Interesting. OH, and I saw one of my uncles at the funeral today (not too surprising there; my paternal grandmother had 11 kids so I have a pretty big family) and he invited Priscilla and me to his house to- SIT DOWN ARE YOU READY FOR THIS- play with his miniature ponies. MINIATURE PONY PARTY.

Good Pear

2011-12-25T18:23:00.000-07:00

Christmas was so special. And not just because of my mixer :) I just had a really nice time. Well, on Christmas Eve anyways... Christmas Day has been sort of terrible, since I had to work and everything. Plus Matt has to work until ten so we're both kind of alone. But we had a good night!

Want to know something so very sweet? I LOVE Christmas Vacation. Every year it's broadcast on a movie channel every day during Christmas week and I watch it every time. I know it by heart. This year is hasn't been on :( We bought it on Amazon to watch on the Roku one night but that's it. I've been hugely bummed out about that. Anyways, one of my presents from Matt was a Christmas Vacation boxed set!! It came with a Santa hat, coasters, all kinds of fun stuff. Ha- I was so excited about it that I cried. Nerd, I am. But man, he gives the most thoughtful presents. I always feel bad because I'm good at getting "stuff" for people but I have a hard time finding things that have a lot of meaning. Here, enjoy your Albert Einstein action figure!

Anyways, I hope everybody had a nice holiday! I know I have. Plenty to be thankful for <3
Now, back to shopping for Kitchenaid mixer attachments. I WANT TO MAKE PASTA.

A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

2011-12-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

Hello. Merry Christmas! I did this.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
4:45AM... had to work at 6:30AM. Totally gross and unnatural. I slept like shit because my back hurt and I think I actually woke up at about 3 or 3:30.

2. How do you like your steak?
I don't think vegans can eat steak. However, when I did, I preferred them on the rarer side of medium-rare. I have been missing steak lately, I have to be honest. And prime rib. And duck, lamb, stuffed chicken, shrimp, lobster, and salmon. Ruh-roh.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Oh my gosh. I think it was Black Swan last year with Lissa. I'm horrible at sitting in theaters! I'll tell you what though, when I went to see Black Swan, I wore my Souls of Mischief shirt :)

4. What is your favourite TV show?
Arrested Development... I watch it over and over.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Seattle or Portland... if money was not an object, back to London, but only so I could eat Gregg's and go to Palace matches.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Maple oatmeal and a granola bar. And an energy drink, a much needed energy drink that did not do anything for me. I could probably use another.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
I don't think I could live without Thai food. Can you imagine?? A WORLD WITHOUT THAI FOOD. Stop. STOP IT RIGHT NOW GURLUSOCRAZE.

8. What foods do you dislike?
I can't think of a single food that I don't like. I used to hate mushrooms. Can you imagine?? A WORLD WITHOUT MUSHROOMS. STOP. IT.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
In bed with my soft brown blanket watching Arrested Development and Law & Order SVU with Matt :)

10. Favorite dressing?
Ranch of course, I'm from Montana.

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
It's really too embarrassing to talk about, thank you.

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Vintage dresses. And sweatpants. Vintage dresses and sweatpants.?! Who am I.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?

I want to go to Santorini, Greece with Matthew

Also: Great Barrier Reef in Australia, Tokyo, Ireland/Scotland, Germany, and beautiful Palau:

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?

15. Where would you want to retire?
Some little Oregon suburb. I am going to need a lot of turbans, that is my dream old lady accessory.

16. Favorite time of day?
Bedtime.

17. Where were you born?
Billings, MT.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
Eh.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?

22. Bird watcher?
More like a BURT WATCHER.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Morning... 9PM is bedtime.

24. Do you have any pets?
Charles Bukowski, my catlove...

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?
I OWN THIS NOW.

I can't believe it. I want the pasta-making attachment!

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
Believe it or not, I always wanted to be an actuary. Some kids dream of being princesses and ballerinas, some kids just want to handle insurance risks and premiums.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Swimming at my grandma's pool in Denver with my cousin Levi. Any trip with Levi was a "best memory".

29. Are you married?

30. Always wear your seat belt?
I wear my seatbelt so much that sometimes when I sit in regular chairs, like at a restaurant, I reach to my left for the seatbelt!

31. Been in a car accident?
So many. Not ever my fault, but still, so many.

32. Any pet peeves?
Nope <---WHAT. The person who answered before me has NO pet peeves. Unbelievable.
I have so many... most of them are table manners- or driving-related.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
Artichoke hearts, capers, mushrooms, tomatoes, onions, and olives, right now. Ooh and veggie crumbles.

34. Favorite Flower?
Mums! I would LOVE to have a garden like this:

35. Favorite ice cream?
It changes... cookie dough is usually my favorite though.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Taco Bell lately. Bean burrito with extra onions and no cheese with a side of rice, please!

37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?
Zero! I love reading about old people car crashes though.

Please note the awesomeness that both of these crashes are at post offices.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
Fab.com! I never get real actual emails though. I'm sure Matt was the last person to send anything to me.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Maybe Pottery Barn. We need a headboard. OH MY GOSH. It took me so long to think of the word "headboard". All I could think of was "headstone". I want this: http://www.potterybarn.com/products/farmhouse-canopy-bed/?pkey=cwood-beds-headboards... I wonder if Matt could make one... probably. He can make anything.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
I bought a present for Matt even though his brother indicated that he might not like it. It was a North Face coat. AND GUESS WHAT. HE LIKED IT. I hope!

41. Like your job?
I do, yes.

42. Broccoli?
Pleeease. Now.

43. What was your favorite vacation?
Washington/ Oregon/ California with my mom, my cousin Soni, and Aunt Debbie. I was only eight, I think... remember when I said I wanted to be an actuary when I grew up? I played "business" the whole trip. I don't even remember sightseeing.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Matthew, to the Indian restaurant.

45. What are you listening to right now?
RJD2 as The Insane Warrior- The Water Wheel

46. What is your favorite color?
Brown. Love it, any shade. Every shade.

47. How many tattoos do you have?
I'm not counting... but some day hopefully I'll just have one :)

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Anybody who likes wasting time on the internet should take this.

49. Coffee Drinker?
Yes... we got a Keurig a couple months ago.

50. Are you in love?

Very much so.

Take it easy, Peezy

2011-12-19T16:02:00.000-07:00

This is my afternoon... trying to do as little as possible and still enjoy my "Sunday". Doing nothing is harder than it sounds! Every time I sit down to do nothing I think of something that I need to finish (or worse- start).

Priscilla was so excited to make snow angels, but by the time I bundled her up enough to go outside, it had pretty much melted. She made two and then sat up and said, "I don't like this. Let's go eat noodles." She has the best plans!

Now she's resting and I think I'm going to go watch Arrested Development... I don't even have an order any more. I just watch the entire series until it finishes and then start over. I think I pretty much know the whole show by heart.

This is the most amazing thing I have ever found on the internet...

[brace yourself]

Sneaky Christmas!

2011-12-19T10:37:00.000-07:00

Breakfast this morning: fried polenta cakes with Cremini mushrooms and caramelized onions.

Today is the last day of my vacation. DESPAIR. It will be good to go back to work because I'm probably driving Matt crazy around here, but I'm really getting the hang of lazing about the house in my pajamas all day. Stay-at-home-moms really have something special going on.

The other day, a big present suddenly appeared by the Christmas tree. Matt said it's for me, so of course I've been grilling him for hints ever since.

It's from a store that begins with an "A"
The store is not Amazon
The present itself begins with a "J"
It is made of wood
It has some small metal parts
I have at no time ever said that I wanted this

WHAT IS THIS. After a short nightmare last night, I was up for probably another hour and a half thinking of all the things it could be. Jumper cables? Not made of wood! Wooden javelin? Some kind of jalapeño rack? I'm stumped. It's kind of heavy, too... I've been shaking the box around trying to figure it out but I've hit a wall. WHAT ARE YOU, MYSTERY PRESENT??

Rifle Man, burning out his fuse up here alone...

2011-12-18T19:09:00.000-07:00

This dude has the hugest nostrils, seriously. It might not look like it in the picture, but go to Fort Rockvale, MT some day and stand under this guy. Amazing, mind-blowing nostril strength.

I only ran in to use the restroom here but am completely weighed down with baggage because I refused to leave my Canon in the car. As I proceed to lose it for a week...

A loaf of sorry!

2011-12-18T17:21:00.000-07:00

I baked vegan banana bread using this Post Punk Kitchen recipe (that blog has the best vegan recipes!!) and it's amazing. I also made vegan French dip sandwiches with seitan for the "meat" last night and they were beautiful and delicious, but of course I couldn't take a picture because of the aforementioned camera sitch.

I have a funny story about that though... it was my first time cooking with it, and when I was asking a clerk at Good Earth Market where to find it, I said, "I'm going to butcher this pronunciation but this (pointing at my paper) is what I'm trying to find." She said, "I've never heard of that before, but I'll ask for you. Wait here please."

She ran off looking for her coworker, yelling, "WHERE IS SATAN. HAS ANYBODY SEEN SATAN. THIS GIRL IS LOOKING FOR SATAN!"

A girl with dreadlocks standing nearby had overheard the whole thing and she kind of laughed to herself and said, "You are, huh?" to me, which made ME laugh.

For those of you who didn't know, as I didn't, apparently it's pronounced "say-TAN". It sounds pretty similar to one certain dark lord so be careful if you're asking about it in your local co-op.

Look at those ice formations!

2011-12-18T16:55:00.000-07:00

I feel like I haven't posted in ten thousand years. Last week I went to Red Lodge with my friend Dana and my camera AND phone have been in her car ever since! A whole week! A week without phone, NBD. A week without ANY way of taking pictures?? Terrible. So I haven't posted, because I hate posting without pictures... just got the camera and the phone back this afternoon.

Yesterday I went to a Thai restaurant for lunch and the handwritten sign on the door seriously said, "We will be closed 'Chrismas Eve' November 24 Merry Chrismas!" With the misspelled "Christmas" in quotes and everything. November!! Ah! WHERE IS A CAMERA WHEN YOU NEED ONE!

Anyways, above are some of the pictures from Red Lodge. We stopped at this old abandoned hot springs and took some pictures, then we went to Dana's boyfriend's house and sat around in front of the fireplace. We also chased turkeys around the neighborhood and went to hippie bead shops. Red Lodge is so cute, love that place.

ALSO. I kind of screwed my blog up and spent the whole morning fixing it... I deleted my row of buttons (accidentally) and when I tried to add them back, I couldn't remember who all was on it. If you were there before, I'm not shunning you- I just have a bad memory! Let me know. Also, I updated by own blog button. Such a hard worker, I am.

I say a lot of bad words in this post.

2011-12-10T16:02:00.002-07:00

Forest friend cookies! I'll take better pictures after I frost them...

I was supposed to pick up a frosting bag while I was out but I about had a nervous breakdown in traffic after trying to Christmas shop, having forgotten that it's Saturday and everybody with a car is out doing the same thing. RAGE. What in the holy shitting hell is the matter with people?! Seriously! After hours of people pushing past me, stepping on my toes and not apologizing (or even looking at me), long lines and general bitchiness, I just wanted to get the hell home. An Indian family parked their minivan in front of my car and a girl hopped out and, for some reason, decided to take off her huge cowgirl belt. And what does she do?? She fucking starts whipping it around like she's Indiana fucking Jones or something, and the monster belt buckle clips the side of my car. She didn't even look at the car! And her family saw her do it and THEY DIDN'T EITHER, they all just went inside! AHHHHH I'm mad all over again now! I WILL FIND YOU INDIAN GIRL. I WILL FIND YOU AND WHIP YOUR FACE WITH YOUR OWN DAMNED BELT BUCKLE.

That's probably not necessary, actually; venting made me feel a little bit better.

OH and I went to Bath & Body Works. I noticed what I thought were gel candles and fell victim to their aromatic prowess. The one I wanted to smell was kind of high on a shelf, and it was hard for me to grab because I had so many shopping bags weighing me down. I had to really reach for it, and when I finally got it, CAN YOU IMAGINE MY COMPLETE FUCKING LACK OF SURPRISE when I discovered that it was LIT. Not a gel candle, but LIT, and had been burning for so long that the WAX WAS COMPLETELY MELTED. Yep, I was not surprised. But I hardly had time to think about that because my reaction to the searing of my fingertips was to jerk my hand back... still holding the candle... causing the melted wax to get all over the inside AND outside of my coat sleeve, and run down my hand and arm to the elbow.

I yelled, "WHY IS THIS LIT. WHY IS THIS LIT!!!!"

A saleswoman replied calmly, "It's a display, and that's why it was so high on the shelf, so people don't grab them."

Can't argue with your logic there, lady. I felt like such a naughty child!

OH and while I'm already venting- WHY IS CHRISTMAS VACATION NOT ON. WHY. I like Elf, but I don't want to watch it every day- I WANT TO WATCH CHRISTMAS VACATION EVERY DAY!!!! I have no idea why I don't own it but I am furious about that as well. GO TO HELL BUDDY THE ELF. GO STRAIGHT TO HELL AND TAKE YOUR SICK ASS MAPLE SPAGHETTI WITH YOU.

Ze Brush

2011-12-09T12:37:00.000-07:00

Priscilla and I are painting Christmas decorations.

She's a little tiny artist.

Like a total and complete dickhead, I JUST figured out how to manually change the focus on my Canon to off-center points. I've had the fucking thing for a whole year. Oh well, better late than never. Thanks for joining us, Coralene.

Dog Clothes

2011-12-09T09:27:00.001-07:00

Vegan fry-up this morning, with Field Roast smoked apple-sage "sausage". Have I mentioned how much I love Field Roast? I do.

Today is my 7th day not smoking! I'm really excited about that. I have been wearing a patch... I have used them before and remembered having crazy nightmares while I was using it. When I first started, I was wearing one patch a day, but that made me horribly ill; I don't think I smoke as much as other people who try this. I cut them in half now, but for for the first few days, I was walking around nauseous and sick, having the most wild dreams in the universe. One morning (I think the second or third day), I even felt compelled to write them down:

+ Graham lost his hand, and someone came to my house to tell me and ask if that was ok. I said it was fine and didn’t ask what happened.

+ I crashed into a woman and her two sons in their car, in a parking lot. They sued me.

+ I went to court and while on recess I went to some kind of nightclub in a shopping mall and ran into a manager from work, who was wearing a velvet skirt and a tie-dyed t-shirt and had two French bulldogs in a stroller. She was waiting for a new clothing store for babies to open and I knew she was going to dress up the dogs.

+ Priscilla and I were looking for Mr.B and went down to the basement. He had become fascinated with rats and there were rats everywhere, as big as a five-year-old child. Mr. B was there too and lunged at one, and it bolted back at him with enormous fangs, dripping his rabid saliva onto the floor with red eyes snapping. ** I woke myself up because I SCREAMED during this one!

+ I went to an Amish dinner party in the basement of a house. It was packed with people but there wasn’t enough food. I was asked to make chicken but I didn’t know what to do with it any more so I boiled it with instant potatoes. I went upstairs to tell the rest of the guests that it was ready and when I got back downstairs it was almost all gone. I had a piece of chicken but when I looked down at it, it was old and gray and I couldn’t eat it anyways because I had two knives, a steak knife and a paring knife. My mother showed up and pointed out a seventeen-year-old boy on the couch who had just won a long custody battle with his brother, and was adopting his eight children. She said the judge wouldn’t let them come home all at once, but was rather having him take them home one at a time, one a night. She said he was very brave but she thought it was strange that he was my attorney’s son, my attorney from the car crash, before I woke up screaming the first time.

I have a lot of dreams about meat, actually. I remember a dream from the other night in which I tried to buy beef jerky, only when I opened the packet it was raw chicken, and I was trying to peel it apart and I didn't understand it.

Priscilla is calling to me to help her with a puzzle now... I wish my relatives would stop giving her 250-piece puzzles!!!

Candy? Soup? Saline drip?

2011-12-04T10:57:00.002-07:00

Lookin' like some kind of air hostess candy striper today...

Pierce Bronzenan

2011-12-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

I hate painting my nails! I'm taking a picture of this only to document a time that I actually did it... the second I get a tiny chip, I get frustrated, and off it goes.

Christmas decorating at work today!

P.S. Don't you think that Pierce Bronzenan should be an actual nail color name??

Russian Red

2011-12-02T15:48:00.000-07:00

Christmasmania over here today. I just broke Priscilla's heart... she came running into the kitchen to tell me she was cleaning, like really wanted me to know about it. "I'm cleaning the table, and I'm cleaning the carpet, and I'm cleaning the lights!" I thought she was just being helpful until she said, "Now can I open a present?"

There are some presents for her (I am far from finished with Christmas shopping), but she doesn't really understand Christmas yet and she cried and cried when I had to tell her no.

You know the lens I said I wanted the other day? I came home the day before yesterday and it was on my dresser. <3 Matt. I feel guilty because it's expensive (not for a lens, but for a just-because present) and I wasn't HINTING that I wanted it; I would have bought it at some point I'm sure. But anyways, I love it.

Neither of those are edited (except the second one is cropped).

Other than that, today is completely depressing. I've been reading Anne Sexton poems and playing with red lipstick. I bought MAC Russian Red finally and I'm not impressed, don't see what all the hype is about. I like it because it's matte but other than that it's not that great. I'm going to do a post of my favorite reds, I think.

My cutest day!

2011-11-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

I love the colors I'm wearing today! I feel so autumn-y. Better get it out of my system, since it's going to be winter soon. To work myself into reality, I've been looking at these DIY Christmas wreaths on the Martha Stewart website. So pretty! I wish Martha Stewart was a lesbian because then I would be a lesbian and I would marry Martha Stewart.

Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath!

2011-11-26T20:27:00.002-07:00

New tattoo! I really want to buy a Venus fly trap, but I'm too impatient to order one... telling Damon that I wanted a Venus fly trap tattoo seemed much quicker.

I also got a matching tattoo with Dana:

Oh yes. Such fancy ladies we are.

And Dawn, guess what else I got?

Top secret.

OH and the best purchase of my life!

Oh, not much. ONLY MY BEST HOLIDAY FOOTED PAJAMAS IN THE UNIVERSE.

Other than this stuff, I haven't been doing too much. My friend Brett accidentally destroyed his leather jacket and asked me to sew it for him... I think I could have hidden the tear but he wanted me to use white thread because that, obviously, is much more punk rock. I also took the liberty of sewing a patch to the back of it and mending the lining, which was torn in two places.

When he picked it up, he thanked me again. I said, "It's no trouble at all, but seriously, what the hell were you DOING, that made it get like this?" He said simply, "Don't ask." Good enough.

You know what I didn't do? Take Thanksgiving pictures. I cooked all day long, and it was really nice and I had so many fun vegan dishes, but I just didn't ever think to pick up the camera and take a picture of everything together. Priscilla found my oldest daughter's dress from my cousin's wedding, in which she was a flower girl when she was about P's age, and she put on the wedding dress and a crown and wore them all day.

I guess I did make kind of a cute vegan pumpkin pie...

I hope everybody (well, in America) had a nice holiday. I bought poinsettias today! And we're discussing where the Christmas tree will go... Matt says we should go pull our own out of the ground like on Christmas Vacation :)

Now we're going to watch Annie Hall and drink wine from a box!

This Woman's Work

2011-11-23T19:45:00.000-07:00

I love my little tiny babe so much.

Being a mother is the best.

Ichthyophobia

2011-11-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

My aunt sent me some pictures from my mom's birthday (above) and my sister's birthday (not ever going to show, wearing a bikini, inapprops). The dress I'm wearing in this picture is absolute hell. I wore it because I hadn't for awhile, and forgot why, until halfway through dinner when the buttons kept unbuttoning. Seriously, I'd look down and every button on the top of my dress was undone. I eventually had to put on a cardigan to hide.

I am home for lunch with Matt. I'm not having a very good day.

I need a new tattoo. I'm afraid of my elbows.

Cat nerds!

2011-11-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

I stole this from Sam. I need a really long one (TWSS!), like one of the old Myspace 100-question day-long quizzes.

1. A nervous habit I have is: Twitching my nose and biting my cheeks. I've twitched my nose since I was little... if I'm REALLY nervous, it's almost constant. Twitch, twitch, twitch. Just talking about it makes me feel like I have to twitch a couple times. There, I just did.

It's not a cute Bewitched kind of twitch, either. Samantha would not have been half as popular if her nose wrinkled up like mine.

2. Something that makes me sad is:

3. Today I am thankful for:

P comes home tonight. She only goes to her dad's for weekends but I miss her so darned much when she's away. The house feels too quiet without her.

4. My favorite room in my house is:

Guess.

[old picture]

Matt designed his own kitchen. I love it so much.I think that when the bathroom is finished that will be my new favorite room though.

5. I can't stand:

[you knew this]

6. If I had an extra $100 to spend on whatever I wanted today I would:

Buy this:

7. The last person I hung out with was:

My love. My headlamp-wearing love.

Not-chos!

2011-11-19T17:50:00.000-07:00

Vegan nachos for pre-snack snack. We put water, cashews, nutritional yeast, minced garlic, onion powder, cayenne pepper, salt, paprika, and cumin into a food processor, then put in on the stove for about half an hour (tedious business, have to stir it constantly). Matt's friend Sonny came over and watched us eat it while he ate some hamburger from Hardee's that was oozing so much mayonnaise that it looked like something was wrong with it.

I love war movies. I watch and re-watch them, and I never get tired of them. I think that I watch war films the way cool people watch horrors. Right now I'm watching a special on The History Channel called Vietnam in HD and I think it's amazing. Matt is working on the closet in our room. I just sauntered in there on a commercial break to talk about it (actually I was trying to help him... it was my second closet duty since the project started... I held a piece of wood in the air for a second) (TWSS??).

"What if I was in Vietnam, can you imagine?"

"What do you mean?"
"Do you think I would die right away?"
"Four minutes. I think your plane would land in Saigon and you would die four minutes later."

"No I mean from when my helicopter dropped me off."
"On the battlefield?? Thirty seconds."

"Thirty seconds?! Why!"

"Because you can't even pour a glass of wine without breaking three wine glasses, a plate, the dishwasher, and losing a fork. Thirty seconds."

"Oh. Ok."

One of the screenshots just said that in WWII the average infantry soldier spent 10 days in combat per year. In Vietnam, it was 240. 240 days in one year. I always feel kind of annoyed when my mom talks about the military because she still refers to soldiers as "our boys", but I can really see why now. The Vietnam war was what was happening when she was younger, and at that time, the people who went were practically children. One third of the troops in Vietnam were volunteers inspired by JFK's "ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country" speech, fresh out of high school. What a fucking mess.

Anyways, this is a really good program and I want to get back to it now. Sorry if I sound like a total nut job. I swear I'm not moving to a cabin in the woods to stop paying my taxes and build a rifle shed.

Merry Christmas Jesus, I hope you like crap!

2011-11-18T16:10:00.000-07:00

I bought a just-because surprise present for Matt. I suck such a major colossal amount of ass at gift-wrapping.

Deer Salt

2011-11-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

Purse change! I bought this at Montana Vintage this summer but I haven't carried it much. I think it's so beautiful, and it's in such great condition. I love the little deer on the back, such a little forest friend. I wish I had a matching keychain, with a little mini salt-lick on it. Wouldn't that be cute?

Chico is off, and I still have no idea why. I woke up early this morning because my arms were asleep (I don't know how I was sleeping but they must have been pinned under me for hours because it took ages to get feeling back into them), and Mom called shortly after. She said that there were reports of high winds near Chico Hot Springs and she called and canceled our reservation. AHHHH. Winds?? When do people not go somewhere because it's freaking WINDY. Oh well. So we're going out to dinner instead, and that's that.

Matt got a Kindle Fire and gave me his old Kindle. I tried to figure it out for awhile but I gave up and just read more of The Bell Jar (the actual book, not on the Kindle). I like it because the page ends are uneven. I always end up petting the side of the pages as I read because it feels nice.

Look at the "Day Spa". It's really funny.

2011-11-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

Rice, red bell peppers, yellow onion, and broccoli, with homemade vegan teriyaki/garlic sauce and panko-crusted fried tofu. Matt's picture :)

I get to leave Billings this week! Mom, Marie (aunt), Rick (uncle, maybe) (not maybe he's uncle- he is my uncle, but maybe he is joining us), Karen (Mom's friend), Sam (sister), Riley (sister's boy) (boyfriend, not boy-child, enjoys dirt bikes and giving my sister motor oil for Christmas), Matt (my Matt, enjoys boots and orange juice), Priscilla (chocolate milk and The Wonder Pets, respectively) and I are going to Chico Hot Springs for Sam's birthday. Only for a couple days, but... man. I love it here, but I need to leave for a second.

left with right

2011-11-12T13:18:00.000-07:00

Today's tofu scramble. We added vegan sausage to it today, and baked vegan butter, garlic, and Daiya cheese onto the sun-dried tomato bread I baked last week. I'm so piggy today... we just ate and the main reason I got onto my laptop was to order from Z Pizza (they have a lot of vegan items).

The closet is almost finished! Matt did the electricity and I get to help put the door in today, then all we have left is the carpet. I'm so excited! And feeling a bit panicked because I can't decide which side I want. I know it may sound small but I have a feeling that it will hugely impact my life and I'm very nervous that I am going to choose the wrong side. Although if I really went crazy like that, I'm sure Matt would just trade me.

Barnville

2011-11-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

I spent Thursday night at my mom's house in the mountains. It was nice to get away for a second! Mom is not a big fan of the vegan diet. In fact, all I was able to eat there was rice with Hoisin sauce because everything else had milk/eggs/meat. It was kind of funny... she kept offering food to me and then she'd roll her eyes and yell, "SHIT!"

What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese?

2011-11-04T16:12:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I made vegan chocolate chip cookies! I don't even like chocolate, but I loved these, they were perfect. I also made vegan molasses bread (above, with pear preserves) and tofu scramble mixed with quinoa, which I think is my new favorite thing to cook with. It goes with everything! This afternoon was easy, just a slice of tufurky on the molasses bread, with artichoke, avocado, Daiya vegan cheese, and Thai sweet chili sauce (and Amy's minestrone).

Hey- I have a question for you:

Canon or Nikon?

Anyways, I wanted to do something fun with P today, so we walked to the library. She had a really good time! We read so many books... her favorite was a story about a little girl who was potty training. It said "poop" and "pee" a lot in the book, which she thought was pretty fun. Ah, poop jokes. They just never get old.

Then we had a beautiful walk home...

Now it's time for apple cider and Thanksgiving research! Matt and I are going to do a Tofurky Feast :)

My real princess...

2011-11-04T15:48:00.000-06:00

I was excited when Priscilla said that she wanted to be Cinderella for Halloween, but I was disappointed in the Cinderella costume at Target. I decided to sew a little blue gown for her instead.

It took about a week to sew (off and on, just trying to do little bits at a time when I wasn't working), and I was so excited when I finished it. It's so much cuter than anything in the stores, and it's even lined inside. It's her real little princess dress!

When I had her try it on, though, she cried. She hated it. She started screaming, "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF NOW!" I think she was just tired, but at the time, I was crushed... I'd worked so hard, and she didn't even like it!

Oh well, she liked it by the time Halloween rolled around:

Little glass slippers and everything :)

Well, no. I said that- "Aw, P, you have little glass slippers just like Cinderella!"

But she is too smart for that. She kind of rolled her eyes up at me and said, "MOM. These are not glass. These are not slippers. They are shoes."

Duh.

Is it elaborate or not?

2011-11-03T19:36:00.001-06:00

Oh hello. In other (less offensive) news, I had the craziest dream last night. Matt had a shaved head and he lived in a really expensive-looking apartment, but everything that was in it was rented, even his bathtub.

I was telling him about it and said, "You made Viking jewelry. Like really elaborate Viking jewelry- crazy leather and metal necklaces with shoulder pieces and lots of hang-y things."

He replied, "Well now it's just weird. I would never make Viking jewelry, let alone ELABORATE Viking jewelry."

This afternoon, when he was at work, he sent me a message on Google Talk to let me know that he'd purchased a new domain. Yep, Elaborate Viking Jewelry by Matt.

He's so silly :) Love him so much.

Highway Robbery

2011-11-03T19:07:00.002-06:00

OOH this burns me!!

I was just looking through my blog roll and saw this picture on A Beautiful Mess:

I have to interject here, that this is NOT the buyer's (Elsie's) fault- she could have no way of really knowing this: Her post is about her pretty dress that she purchased on Etsy. I agree, it's totally darling. And yes, it's hand-made, but I absolutely cannot stand to see shops on Etsy that sell "hand-made" things that are blatant rip-offs of someone else's hard work.

I sew a lot. A LOT. I buy patterns when I don't even intend to sew something, "just in case" some day I might either change my mind or meet someone who would appreciate a cute pattern as a gift. That being said, with all the pattern-shopping I've done, it's pretty easy to recognize right away where something came from.

Here's the Etsy shop picture of the dress:

Here's the ORIGINAL, BurdaStyle pattern:

Look familiar? It's actually called The Coffee Date Dress, and it was made by The Selfish Seamstress, whose blog I also follow (please, please- if you sew, PLEASE follow her... she is so amazingly talented and witty, you won't regret it!).

You know, making up a pattern is not easy. You have no idea how much time and math is involved, on top of the inspiration and thoughtfulness that led someone to designing what they did.

Now, Etsy is for selling hand-made things, right? Sure. So the shop-owner technically did sew this dress- I get it. And I also see the ever-so-slightly-different band around the waist. But you know what else she could do? Maybe... oh, say, cite her source? Give a little nod to The Selfish Seamstress, or at LEASE BurdaStyle? Yeah, that would be nice.

People are rude, man. I appreciate you, Elaine!

**
Edit- this is funny (to me):
So, after I posted this, I was looking through The Selfish Seamstress's blog posts and saw this... "Oh, Etsy seamstresses", indeed :)

These are my awards, Mother. From Army.

2011-10-29T16:23:00.000-06:00

Last night we went to Taste of India for a late dinner (we go there every Friday night). Usually I love eating there; the food is amazing, there are two fun little window seats with sparkly lights to sit under, and the owners are really cool. But the past two times we've been there, they've played Kenny G. Kenny G., peeps! It's so brutal. I asked our server why they were playing it, and she said that the owners think that Kenny G. is who Americans listen to, and would want to listen to whilst eating.

After seeing McRib sandwich billboards everywhere, we decided to make a vegan version. Every time I make something, I decided it's my new favorite thing, and this was no different. We used MorningStar riblets, Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce, onion, pickle, and whole wheat rolls. I want to eat seventy of them. Eighty.

Also, we tried to make vegan cupcakes... um, no. The recipe we used was terrible. No sugar, just pure maple syrup in its place. The frosting had a pound of tofu and an avocado mixed into it, using the syrup instead of powdered sugar here, too. I think maybe three of them were eaten, one was used just for this picture, and the other 20 just went right into the trash. Think of all those starving children in Africa who don't even have any vegan dark chocolate cupcakes.

I always joke about how much salt I eat. I put it on everything, even some fruit. I can take pulls from a soy sauce bottle without flinching. The other night, Matt told me that he bought a surprise for me...

My very own 50-pound salt lick.

never ends.

2011-10-29T10:32:00.000-06:00

Missing Seth a bunch today. Love you, Pinky.

Winner for life.

2011-10-28T09:06:00.000-06:00

I left this note on my teeth-whitening kit.

Matt said that it would be more racist if it was called "White Supreme Assist".

Last night we were drinking this apple and ginger vodka. I smelled it and said, "I want to put this in cider!"
Matt just looked at me for a second and said, "That's what she said."

Pretty sure that nobody can ever top that one.

Without you, today's emotions would be the scurf of yesterday's.

2011-10-23T11:05:00.000-06:00

Reason #328930958437534 why he's so amazing: he always surprises me with flowers at just the perfect time. Sweetest favorite flowers.

I'm not nearly as good at being romantic. I tried to draw a picture for him in red lipstick on the bathroom mirror once. It was supposed to be a space shuttle because he loves NASA, but it looked like an enormous flying penis.

Vegan Shepherd's Pie

2011-10-22T15:26:00.000-06:00

I have to thank Ainsley for this one. She mentioned shepherd's pie on her blog and it sounded like a really good idea for today. I found a vegan recipe here (thank you for suggesting that site, Miss Makes-a Lot!) and hardly changed anything, except for a few spices. I also added a bag of cooked/chopped Gardein beefless tips and, of course, a little extra wine :)

Today in the kitchen...

2011-10-21T17:03:00.000-06:00

Friday mornings pretty much just mean tofu scramble these days, and I am just fine with that. I think it's my favorite breakfast. I always mean to eat it differently, like in a tortilla or mixed with quinoa and stuffed in a bell pepper or something, but it's just so good as it is that I never change it, aside from adding extra vegetables (onion, spinach, green pepper, and tomato, usually) and a lot more garlic.

This afternoon we had Brussels sprouts, another favorite. I made this one up but highly recommend it:

1 lb. Brussels sprouts

1/2 medium onion, roughly chopped

1/4 cup slivered almonds

2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

2 teaspoons minced garlic

2 tablespoons brown sugar

1 teaspoon black pepper

2 teaspoons sea salt

lemon juice, to taste

Place one pot water on stove to boil. While you're waiting, cut ends off Brussels sprouts and peel off the outside brown-colored petals. When the water is rolling, turn it down to medium-high and drop the sprouts into the pot. In a small saucepan, heat the olive oil on medium heat and add the almonds; toss them in the oil every 30 seconds or so, for about three to four minutes. Add the onions to the saucepan, then mix in the brown sugar. Stir frequently, until the onions are just starting to get soft (about five to seven minutes). Add the garlic and pepper, stir again, and reduce heat to low. The brown sugar will melt into the oil, so don't worry if it looks like there's too much liquid. After the Brussels sprouts have been boiling for about ten minutes, remove from heat and drain water (you'll know they're ready when you can stick a fork through to the center). Let them cool for a couple minutes, then cut them in half the long way and drop them all into a medium-sized bowl. Sprinkle the salt over the top (you may need more- it depends, but Brussels sprouts usually need a lot of salt), then pour the onion mixture over the top and mix them all together. Drizzle them with the lemon juice, toss, and serve.

FAVORITE.

It's really human of you to listen to all my bullshit.

2011-10-21T10:51:00.000-06:00

We have had dress-up days at work all week. I'm on my days off now, but Monday was hat day, Tuesday was 80's day, and Wednesday was sports day. I won 1st place for hat day ($50), 2nd for 80's ($25), and probably nothing for sports day, although I was head to toe matching Crystal Palace. Palace was my favorite outfit, but 80's day was so much fun. Jean jacket with the collar up (they didn't say "popped collar" in the 80's), heart-shaped bolo, mini skirt, pointy triangle belt... I even had white polka dot tights and fluorescent heart socks. I had Cyndi Lauper stuck in my head all day and I kept wanting to watch Sixteen Candles.

Tonight we're going to dinner at the Indian restaurant downtown and then to the movie theater to see... uh. I forgot what we're seeing. I can't actually remember if we decided. Something though. Mom said that the other day she was on the phone with my sister, and she was trying to think of the word "theater" but all she could say was "picture show". Haha. She's only 52! Picture show. Sam was quiet for a second then said, "Gotta go, Mom. Have to go milk the cows so I have milk for my cereal in the morning."

allowed

2011-10-20T18:33:00.000-06:00

I just took Priscilla to the park because I know it won't be long before it's too cold to go any more. She has this face all the time, this sweet little happy, smiling face. When she tried to go on the tall swirly slide, three kids slightly younger than her (two boys, one girl) kept yelling, "NO, NO BIG GIRLS ALLOWED HERE." I knew they were just being silly, but they kept blocking her on the ladder. Their mom told them to stop, but every time she walked away, they'd do it again. Priscilla is such a little tender heart that she just kept trying to make friends, even after they walked away to play in the sand. She went running after them and squealed, "Hey guys! Let's play in the sand with you!" (Priscilla language) and the biggest boy stood up and, again, yelled, "I SAID. NO. BIG. GIRLS. LIKE YOU. GET OUT OF HERE."

Her sweet little face fell and she just stood there. The boy's mom heard him and marched over to take them home, and I took P's hand and walked her back home. It made me cry. I just couldn't take seeing her sweet little heart stand there, so crushed. I know it's stupid and small, but it made me remember what it felt like when I was little, and dumb little meanie kids said stuff like that to me. My heart just broke for her. Poor baby.

I love you so much, little tiny poodle. I'm sorry that happened.

Missing

2011-10-17T04:54:00.000-06:00

Little sleepin' babe. Starting to hate my work schedule.

Your mom's a gluten.

2011-10-16T20:44:00.000-06:00

I finally found a good vegan bread recipe! Banana, raisin, cinnamon, and allspice. Vegan butter. Success. If you look up vegan bread recipes, you'll find a lot of stuff that uses rice flour. If you're a total tool like me, you won't think, hey, regular flour is vegan. You'll instead go out and stock up on white and brown rice and destroy your next four loaves of bread because you have no idea how to bake with it. Then you'll eventually put it together, that you're just vegan, not gluten-free, and your bread will be good again.

We get to dress up at work this week. Tomorrow we can wear hats. Everybody else will be in baseball caps and knit ski hats (except for those I've encouraged to wear top hats and do-rags), but I am going to wear the fanciest hat in the universe. Planned my whole outfit around that hat.

The wine rack is what sold me.

2011-10-15T20:29:00.000-06:00

We have been talking about getting a baker's rack for awhile now, and yesterday morning we finally decided to pick one up. We both really liked this one. Two of our neighbors were having a joint garage sale across the street, and I told Matt that we should walk over to see if they had a baker's rack. They did! It was forest green, so Matt just took the wooden parts off and painted the metal and the drawer knobs matte black. It's perfect!

I'm so excited about it. We were going to pay almost $300 for something similar, and this one was only $35! MAGIC.

ZOMBIE CANNIBAL HAMSTER!! (not for the weak of heart/stomach)

2011-10-13T13:37:00.001-06:00

So, back in August I bought a hamster for Priscilla. His name is Captain Picard.

About five days ago, I put him into his little hamster ball to roll around on the floor while I cleaned his cage. I then read to P for awhile in her room, and when I looked up and saw Picard's cage I remembered that I needed to put him back (it hadn't been that long).

I went into the living and found his hamster ball open on the floor. Without him in it, obviously.

I asked Priscilla if she'd let him out and she said no. I believed her because she had been with me the whole time. We looked everywhere, and when Matt came home he helped us search under every piece of furniture with flashlights. Closets, cupboards, shoes, everywhere. No Picard.

There comes a point when you just have to kind of accept that you're not going to find it. We were at that point.

A couple days ago I went into the basement to throw my clothes into the dryer, and I noticed a mouse in the mousetrap on the top shelf of a food storage unit. Uh, I'm not touching that thing. So I waited for Matt. Last night I took him downstairs to show him where the mouse was, and... it was gone. Except for part of its FOOT and a few pieces of fur. Gone. We looked past the food storage unit and saw a big hole in the concrete wall, with little shreds of paper around it. PICARD. That is hamster behavior. He'd also dragged a couple spools of thread up there. Weirdo.

Anyways, Matt said that Picard was probably starving and pulled the mouse out of the trap, dragged him into the hole, and ate him. I didn't believe him... that just sounds wild to me.

About fifteen minutes later, I went back downstairs for something, and there was Picard. Standing on the floor (this is a long way down from the hole in the wall) in front of the shelves. Looking absolutely fucking insane. He was standing on his back legs with his hands out in front of him, not moving at ALL, even when I hadn't seen him and almost brushed right past him.

That's weird, right? Hamsters run. Skittish little things.

So now we have to buy a RAT TRAP to kill poor Picard because now I'm convinced that he DID eat the mouse and has some sick rodent disease. Matt set two mouse traps downstairs but Picard is much too clever and just ate the food. I keep thinking I'm going to see him walking up the stairs to get me, haha. It's bad though!! I'm terrified that he's going to show up out of nowhere and bite my Achilles tendon and my skin will fall off and I'll foam at the mouth and die.

Priscilla's first pet. A failed attempt.

laundry day

2011-10-10T16:45:00.000-06:00

- Vegan scrambled eggs with spinach, tomato, onion, and red pepper (here)
- Vegan chicken fried tofu (here)

I went home sick yesterday, felt sick all night, called off today, and am just now feeling better. I don't have anything more exciting than food pictures to post right now. Oh, except yesterday when I was driving home I threw up in my lap a little bit. Yep, that's right. You can't un-read that.

The last time I wasn't feeling well, Matt asked if I needed anything at the store. I just said "a surprise". He came home with a cocktail sword, a lottery ticket, a plastic zombie hand, and a metal engraver. He said he didn't know what "surprise" meant so he just got a little bit of everything <3

tofurky

2011-10-09T05:18:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was so nice! We rode our bikes downtown, ate tofu steaks at Good Earth Market, went to some kind of autumn fair, and lazed about the house. Every day should be like that.

P.S. Tofurky pizza is AMAZING.

A week, condensed.

2011-10-04T19:58:00.000-06:00

I made vegan pumpkin spice cupcakes (found here, and here for the frosting, except I added nutmeg and pumpkin puree to the frosting recipe) and somebody is quite a big fan of them. I also got a lovely pen pal letter from my dear Mel and we made tofurkey and soy cheese sandwiches for lunch.

Can anybody recommend a cute site with a lot of vegan recipes? I prefer cooking to heating up frozen entrees, even though I haven't disliked anything I've tried.

Also, if any of you are vegan, do you find that people challenge you a lot? Like ask you all about your reasons and logic and safety, when normally they barely speak to you? We're getting quite a bit of that. Not all of it is ridiculous; some people have had some pretty funny comments (thank you John, Ross, Kyle, and Dan for making me laugh all day at work). I'm a little surprised at most of them though. I keep explaining that I'm doing it for health reasons, but people just seem to find that unacceptable. "You don't need to be on a diet" (after I explain every day that I'm not ON a diet, I just CHANGED my diet) is probably my least favorite. I'm not really bothered by any of it, it's just... weird. I wouldn't ask someone a kajillion questions about why they like grape soda just because I think it's gross, you know?

It's just strange to be on the other side of that. Think of it a different way... I drink alcohol. Some people do not drink alcohol. But I have enough respect for people to not ask them to tell ME, as if I have some special right to know, why. In the same way, I would not expect someone to sit down and drink a 12-pack of cream soda to show me how weird it is to consume so much liquid in one sitting (uh, I do not drink that much, it was just an example :)). Do you know what I mean though?

Again, I'm seriously not bothered. I know it sounds like it, but I'm just making an observation. And to be fair, a lot of questions are asked out of genuine curiosity. I get it. It's just new and a little awkward trying to explain my eating routine to people.

Aaaanyways. Priscilla is old enough to be in ballet now! My oldest daughter started dancing in pointe shoes this year and, even though I would never want her to do it if she didn't want to, I secretly hope Priscilla wants to be a tiny little dancer too. Little baby tutu-face. Love.

American Girl

2011-10-03T14:40:00.000-06:00

I picked up two issues of American Girl magazine (September 1951 and September 1952) and now I want everything in both of them. Do grown-ups wear Buster Brown shoes? I have such a long shoe wish-list: Buster Browns, saddle shoes, nurse shoes, baby blue cowboy boots... I need to search Etsy a little more often, I think.

Vegan diet is going well so far, except a lot of people at work are making fun of me (not mean, just teasing). Dan says I am a hippie now. My hippie name is Whispering Limestone!

part deux

2011-10-01T20:08:00.002-06:00

Oopsie.

Vegan/Gluten-Free Macaroni and Cheese

2011-10-01T09:46:00.001-06:00

While eating macaroni last night, we decided that it might not be as hard as we thought to eat vegan. A little expensive at first to buy all of the basic cooking stuff (seriously, whoa), but recipes only seem to call for 2-3 tablespoons of everything, so it lasts for ages. I want to share this recipe that I found, too, because it was amazing! The only difference is that the bread crumbs we had here weren't vegan so we used panko bread crumbs. I am probably going to have some for breakfast too (minus the wine, obvs). And thank you to Matt for the pretty picture :)

Today is the last day of Farmer's Market so we're trying to walk over... I wish it didn't take 20 hours for me to get ready. I'm going to time myself, starting now. READY GO.

Sephora is here! Ish.

2011-09-30T16:06:00.000-06:00

We finally got a Sephora!! I have no idea why it's in the middle of JC Penney but whatever, I'm so happy. Maybe we'll get a MAC next. Probably not. I don't even think most people here will know what to do with a Sephora, but I raced over at my first free moment today for the grand opening.

Didn't get much (because I realized I already have a lot of the stuff that caught my eye) but I'm really excited about the Urban Decay setting spray.

Look at my makeup... it will never come off now! THESE COLORS DON'T RUN!

Matt and I watched Fork Over Knife the other night and are testing a vegan diet. I just got home with all the stuff to make vegan macaroni and cheese but realized I forgot the actual pasta, so I have to go back now. I had a BOX of groceries when I got home the first time... Matt looked at everything and said, "It's funny, normally I would just buy cheese."

rainbow room salad

2011-09-30T09:20:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I read a post at Angry Chicken about this Nigella salad and decided to try it. It's almost the same, except I added brown rice, edamame, raisins, almonds, and onion. I highly recommend it! I also made panko-crusted fried tofu but forgot to take a picture, because I am snappy and on top of it.

Ok, seriously, TODAY I am going to finish my Halloween decorations. I keep saying that but when I get to the store I buy everything but what I need. Yesterday I left with miniature scarecrows, an onion, Elmer's glue, nails, and hair scissors. No decorations. None of those things, obviously, were on my shopping list.

Literallyyyy

2011-09-29T10:07:00.001-06:00

Stolen from Ainsley

A. Age: 32
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore that you hate: Cleaning Captain Picard’s cage. Hamster pee smells like POISON (not the band... the band smells like Wild Turkey and glitter... and probably hamster pee)
D. Dogs: I want a poodle! Or a French bulldog.
E. Essential start to your day: Matt tucking me in like a burrito before he takes a shower, sneaking out of bed when I’m supposed to be sleeping, making coffee, and checking my email.
F. Favorite color: Brown. Or pink (a good pink, like Tenenbaum pink). Or baby blue and red TOGETHER, not separately.
G. Gold or Silver: Gold. In fact, I need to add “gold flats” to my shopping list today. I hate gold Toms though!! Stupid trendy garbage.
H. Height: 5’8”
I. Instruments you play: Piano, trumpet, flute, clarinet, oboe, piccolo, French horn, saxophone, tuba, trombone… and recorder J I was a music major.
J. Job title: Tech Support Lead
K. Kids: Madeline, 11. Priscilla, 3. I want a little boy!
L. Live: Billings, MT.
M. Mother’s name: Yvonne Bernice. A magnificent name, if you ask me. She hates it.
N. Nicknames: Momcat, Mamagato. And Matt calls me Sweeties.
O. Overnight hospital stays: Baby-related stuff, tonsils, and an unfortunate event when I was 14.
P. Pet peeves: Misuse of the word “literally”. Misuse of any word, really.
Q. Quote from a movie: “Amber, the woman clung to your tap shoes while she was flying through the air like a goddamn lawn dart!”
R. Right or left handed: Right. But I practice with my left and I’m getting pretty good.
S. Siblings: Shawn and Samantha.
U. Underwear: I hate thongs. Sometimes if I'm in a hurry in the morning I accidentally put my underwear on inside out and have to fix it at work, which is awkward and time-consuming.
V. Vegetable you hate: I don’t hate anything… there is not a single food that I don’t like. Piglet.
W. What makes you run late: Bronzer
X. X-Rays you’ve had:

Y. Yummy food that you make: Cherry twist bread, spinach and feta calzones, stuffed everything… I think I’m pretty ok in the kitchen
Z. Zoo animal: Pandas all over the place, big cats, and elephants. Not monkeys, but only because they make me sad. Look too depressed.

Going to look for Halloween decorations now :) I'm so on top of my ULTIMATE FESTIVITY game this year!

ten months,not nine

2011-09-27T10:57:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I said, "Aw, everybody is having babies." Someone I've worked with for three and a half years said, "Wait until you have your own!" He was totally shocked when I told him that I have an eleven-year-old and a three-year-old. He sat next to me for four months after I had Priscilla. COME ON! COME AT ME BRO!

I wish I could stay home today and listen to PJ Harvey and clean in my pajamas and eat chips and salsa all day. Oh wells, here I go, off to work. Have a fancy day!

Winner winner chicken dinner!

2011-09-26T08:00:00.000-06:00

Matt had a little tiny baby apple at his desk and I asked him if I could have it.

Not to eat, but to decorate... my own desk was sadly lacking in the kawaii fruit department.

Hey, guess what?

Nova, you win! Emailing you in just a moment.

Some day we will play a mean game of rummy together <3

Jack Be Little Baby Boo

2011-09-24T16:30:00.000-06:00

Today we got up early and went to the Farmer's Market downtown, then walked back home and took Priscilla to Saturday Live, which is a local school fundraiser in the park by our house.

Priscilla's favorite part was the inflatable slide. My favorite part was not the inflatable slide. She wouldn't go up/down by herself, so I told her that I'd climb up with her. This was before I knew that it was the most steep and dangerous slippy slide in the universe. I had my left arm under her bum, and my right arm was gripping this rope thing while I tried to keep my toes (ew, bare feet on other peoples' bare feet, barf) connected to the TINY (kid-sized... undoubtedly why this is classified under "kid slide" and not "32-year-old lady slide") little rope-y steps going up.

Teeter much?

I just kept thinking, please, please do not let me miss the rope and tumble backwards over this line of dirty kids. I do not want to get other peoples' kids' sweat all over me. Oh, I broke your nose? Oh shit, sorry. You got kid sweat on me.

But it all worked out.

When we came home I started some Christmas quilting and Matt made turkey burgers, and now he and his brother are working on our bedroom closet and P is napping. So cute... she got this little crown thing at Saturday Live and she wanted to nap in it:

What a total little babe :)

Now back to Halloween decorating...

Don't forget to enter my giveaway!

Giveaway!

2011-09-23T16:02:00.002-06:00

Let's celebrate our awesome inner space nerd <3

Everybody needs some pretty Moleskines in their lives, and don't even try to tell me you don't want to bust out a pack of LADIES OF STAR WARS playing cards the next time you're trying to impress your friends with your gin rummy skillz*.

To enter, just follow this blog and comment below.

For extra comments, you can tweet this giveaway (http://fawnandflower.blogspot.com/2011/09/giveaway.html) or blog about it (just leave a link)
Be sure to leave a way I can contact you! :)

I will totally play poker with the winner.
Ends Sunday, 9/25; will announce Monday the 26th.

*these cards would also look pretty impressive in your bicycle spokes

Oh my Amish ways!

2011-09-23T15:51:00.000-06:00

We went to the store for cat food and Pull-Ups. We left with everything you see above, plus a Keurig coffee maker, a huge fold-in makeup trunk, a bunch of crafts for Priscilla, purple chenille for a bathrobe I'm sewing for her, and... jeez. A lot of other stuff.

Obviously the best thing is the pattern you can see in the bottom picture... Matt found it.
"You need this. I'm just going to add it to the pile."
"What is it?"
"Just trust me. You need this."

Thursday, Bloody Thursday

2011-09-22T16:38:00.001-06:00

Today I sewed these little pajamas for Priscilla. The other day we were at the fabric store and she picked out the robot-printed flannel, and I found a pattern (McCall's M4646) that we both liked.

While I was finishing up my sewing, the poor dear tried to pet Captain Picard, her hamster, and he bit her so badly :( Total bloodbath. I was holding her in the bathroom trying to stop the bleeding (it was the tiniest cut on her finger, but oh the gushing!), and blood was dripping down my arm and off my elbow, and I got it all over the shower curtain, her jeans, my jeans, and both of our shirts somehow. After I bandaged her up (you can see her little Tinkerbell Band-Aid in the top picture), she said she just needed a popsicle and her new pajamas, so... there you go. Then she sat on the floor and tried to work on this 1,000-piece puzzle that Matt bought for her at a garage sale, and got further than I ever have on a 20-piece puzzle. Little baby genius.

Also, last week I made an Ewok costume for someone's dog, a little pug. I hate that I didn't get pictures of it when it was finished, because it was truly probably the cutest thing I think I've ever made. Red polar fleece with cream-colored fleece lining and little fur ears, with velcro tummy/leg parts. I did get this little picture of the hood before I sewed it to the rest though:

I have to thank Dawn for that one- she heard that he needed a costume and suggested me right away. I love trying to sew new things :) Thanks darlin'!

Oh my dream travel case!

2011-09-15T09:57:00.000-06:00

I can't believe how quickly the Missoni items disappeared from Target. I wanted so much more but there wasn't a whole lot to choose from.

I took such great care when I bought those mugs... I also bought a blanket at Target, and I kind of tucked the mugs into the blanket while I shopped so they wouldn't bump around and break in the cart. When I drove home, I put the Target bag in Priscilla's carseat so they wouldn't fall off the seats and break on the floor. So what did I do when I got home? I immediately dropped the bag on the floor and broke a shitting mug. I KNOW.

I feel like this wasn't all I bought... oh yeah, Missoni socks for Matt, but he is wearing them today and would probably be a bit annoyed if I started taking pictures of his feet when he got home. But I will say, he is my best shopping support!! We both had to stay home sick from work yesterday, but I was crushed when I realized that I was probably going to miss all the Missoni shopping if I waited another day. He came with me to TWO Targets (I was convinced that the one across town would have more stuff) in his PAJAMAS and never teased me once (except when I stuttered trying to tell him about a Missoni laptop case), and not a single complaint. What a little trooper.

I have another more embarrassing story to tell, but I think I will do that on a vlog later today. And also, a small giveaway!

Your Imperial Highness

2011-09-06T09:24:00.000-06:00

On Sunday night, Dana and I (each with fancy hair) went to our friends' wedding reception. We rode our bicycles in heels and I had to take my tights off in public because I tore them on my pedal, which was a shame as they were black with black hearts and matched my heart shoes, but oh well.

Melissa looked sweet as ever, but I walked away with zero pictures of Damon somehow! Melissa took me into the garage and showed me a card that I had drawn for her when she was... I don't know, sixteen maybe, or seventeen. I can't believe she still has it. They also made a very special announcement and I couldn't be happier for them. I love it when best friends get married!

Later, Dana and I both wrecked on our bicycles. I believe I predicted this on Twitter.

I should be getting ready for work but am watching The Tudors, which I am completely obsessed with, although I hate the minstrel for his annoying teeth and Anne Boleyn seems a bit skanky. Even Matt watches it with me... he calls me "My Eminence" and I call him "My Grace", ha.

Black Tongue

2011-09-04T10:38:00.001-06:00

Last night I had a dinner that went so badly it rivaled Mother's Day breakfast. Oh, I didn't ever mention that? Mother's Day was right after I left Graham. I knew that his parents wanted to talk to me about it but for some reason didn't think that they would choose to do it right then, on that day. The moment our asses hit the seats in the restaurant, Graham's dad launched into his mental list of questions. Every question. Am I making the right decision. Why am I making this decision. Have I thought about what Priscilla will think. Does Graham have a problem. Do I have a problem. Do I realize that Graham's age group is capable of just being friends with the opposite sex but my age group is more likely to engage in pre-marital sex (WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK), etc.

I bawled the whole time. I also had to work immediately after, and I was late because I had to sit in the bathroom downstairs bawling my eyes out even more. For every reason... because of what was going on, because I wanted to be with my daughters on Mother's Day and not at work, because irreparable damage is devastating, because I could not believe- and cannot still- that two people would have THAT conversation with somebody on THAT day... it was just total shit. It was like, my heart is fucking broken here. Little tiny baby shattered pieces. But please, please, by all means, if it makes you feel better, tell me all about what YOU think. Don't hold back! I think it was an absolutely horrible thing to do.

I tried to think, too, am I being ungrateful? These people have done an awful lot for me, so maybe I should just listen to this and answer their questions and don't let it get under my skin. But there is no way that I can look at that day and think that it was right. It was rude and invasive and embarrassing and harrowing. I would undo every kind thing they ever did for me to take the pain of that morning away.

It's sad when you lose half of a family. They aren't yours any more. Everybody says they'll try and it won't be like that, but it always is.

Anyways, so yeah. Dinner last night (which was not with the same people) sucked. I left sad and angry, with a thousand words on the tip of my tongue. Wanted to bite that tongue right off.

Goodbye, 98° mornings!

2011-08-26T21:55:00.000-06:00

Summer ended and I missed it!

Secretly I'm really happy that it's autumn now. Argyle socks and cardigans and scarves and knit hats and corduroy and boots... yes. Well, not all at once. That would be the outfit that autumn threw up on.

I finally got Botox! (negative)

2011-08-26T15:11:00.000-06:00

Yes, that is my CHEESEBURGER BICYCLE BELL.

Girl loves a damned cheeseburger. What.

After reading this post on The Julie Blog (probably cutest bicycle girl on the whole entire internet, one of my favorite blogs and SHE LOVES KATE MIDDLETON AS MUCH AS ME) (ok more even, because her bike is named Kate Middleton), I posted a link to the free Colette bloomers pattern. It's not very easy riding a bicycle in a dress/skirt. Even in long dresses- I think the wind scoops up the hem more easily because there's more fabric, and suddenly you look like an inside-out umbrella breezing down the street on two wheels.

Anyways, I'm a big fan of that pattern and highly recommend making a zillion bloomers to go under any skirt or dress when you're mobile.

Today is kind of a short skirt day...

So I'm wearing my favorite of all my bloomers...

What'choo know 'bout Abe Lincoln.

Oh, and the pepper jam is going to phenomenal. I used green bell peppers, jalapeños, habaneros, and serranos. It's cooling now...

While I made peppers, Matt destroyed the deck. He already knocked the windows out of half of it, and his brother is helping him take everything else out now. That part of the deck is going to be a walk-in closet for the bedroom, and the closet that's there now is going to be part of the existing bathroom (with the wall removed, so it's bigger). We get a JACUZZI. He's doing all of this work pretty much entirely on his own, too. Anyways, when he works, he wears a bandana on his head, and P always wants to copy him. She thinks they're "being pirates".

I'm going to ride my bike now. I'm hotter than hell... I don't know how many times I touched my face when I was cutting those peppers, even after telling myself REPEATEDLY not to. I feel like I got Botox and chin implants and lip implants and microdermabrasion all at once. Shit.

Engage, little sir!

2011-08-26T12:00:00.000-06:00

Meet Captain Picard.

[I could not get a picture that wasn't blurry... hamsters do not seem to sit still]

[P gives up and rides off into the sunset with her baby, whose name is Baby]

I feel like I should have more to report after not updating for so long, but I really don't. I've just been working and going on a lot of bike rides (like every night). I got my new bicycle! It's just a Schwinn cruiser but I am making it fancy. I wanted to take pictures today but it is currently attached to the side of the house and the lock is so frustrating to me that I have to wait for Matt to take it down. Which reminds me... have you ever lashed out and tried to get mad at a bicycle lock? It's pretty pointless.

I made lemon-blueberry jam in the bread machine and I'm going to make something else today... pepper jam, maybe. Probably on the stove though; bread machine jam recipes all seem to say not to use pectin, which is really weird to me. And I made garlic onion bagels! Sort of. The holes didn't stay in them so they are mostly garlic onion rolls, but whatev. They're delicious. Note to self, buy chewing gum at the store today.

Other than that, all I've really done is watch a lot of Japanese horror films: Premonition, Ju-on, Ju-on 2, Carved, Apartment 1303, Pray... lots more but I can't think of any more names right now. Actually not just horror; Priscilla is really into Princess Tutu and Ponyo right now, and I just watched Letters from Iwo Jima (directed by Clint Eastwood so not exactly Japanese, but not from an American point of view), and a really disturbing National Geographic program called Hiroshima.

AND a Lisa Ling documentary about North Korea. A doctor flew in to perform over 1,000 eye surgeries in 10 days (in addition to training the North Korean doctors to do the same surgeries, which cured cataract-caused blindness). At the end, when they took the bandages off, everybody was healed. But instead of thanking him, which nobody did, they all turned to the portrait of Kim Jong-il on the wall and thanked him instead. Thank you, Dear Leader, for healing me. I understand that they have no access to world outside of their country, but... it's just wild.

Oh yeah, and I give up. I like pink. A lot.

You can't tell by my posts lately, but I'm really not that crazy about pink.

2011-08-18T14:39:00.001-06:00

Priscilla had blueberry shortcake for breakfast and I had Chinese food. Again. I hate having leftover Chinese takeout in the refrigerator because it automatically just becomes breakfast until it disappears; I don't really want it any other time.

I got the cutest bike yesterday. Isn't it wonderful?? I'm returning it to the store tonight and I'm really bummed. I was seriously so distracted by the fact that it was mint green that I didn't notice that it didn't have gears or breaks or anything. You have to back pedal like a five-year-old when you want to stop! I'd almost be ok with that just because of the cuteness of the bicycle, but the brakes aren't so hot to begin with, and I'm accident-prone enough on my own without crashing head-on into delivery trucks and toddlers. Getting a new one tomorrow... beige cruiser this time, with gears and brakes and a basket of dreams.

I made snow cones for Priscilla with my Snoopy Snow Cone machine today! The first time I tried to use it was just the other day and it was completely brutal, but this time I put crushed ice into the grinder instead cubed and it was so much easier. Not sure why P wanted two of them though... I tasted the Kool-Aid fruit punch mix I'd poured over the ice as I was putting it away and it tasted like nail polish remover. I probably needed about five times as much sugar!

Do you love guacamole? Of course you do! And you really need to try my guacamole recipe:

3 large avocados

1/2 cup diced/seeded tomatoes

1/2 cup diced onion

2 tbsp minced peppers, your choice (I like painfully hot, but not everybody's a fan)

1/8 cup lime juice

1 tbsp cilantro (which I omitted today as we were out)

1 tsp sea salt

1 tsp cayenne pepper

1 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp onion powder

1 tsp crushed garlic

Mix, serve, love. It will change your life.

I'm going to go snuggle Priscilla... she fell asleep watching The Hunt for Red October, which is her favorite film right now. Isn't that weird?? She calls it "the scary boat movie" and she's always asking about it. удивительный!

Hey, Buster hit her. I just gave her the roofie.

2011-08-16T18:56:00.000-06:00

Matt came to the conclusion that he doesn't surprise me with sweet things enough and has spent the past week delivering presents to me. I don't know how he came up with this as it seems like he never does anything BUT surprise me, but it's been fun! Today he told me that my final surprise was in plain sight and I had to find it. MY PAC-MAN MOLESKINE!!!! I wanted this so much when I saw it but didn't buy it for some reason. I nearly had a heart attack. What a perfect present.

I just finished cleaning my makeup bag... I never feel like I wear a lot of makeup until I it's all laid out in front of me. This is part of what I'm wearing just today (I lost my mascara!):

[in no order]

1. Clinique Superpowder Double Face Makeup in Matte Neutral

2. MAC quad- I only used Expensive Pink, Dazzlelight, and Romp today

3. NARS blush in Orgasm (I usually buy Torrid; Orgasm isn't really my color)

4. Clinique brush-on cream liner in Black Honey

5. MAC e/s- Gleam

6. This is my pill case :) I hardly ever take Xanax but I carry it everywhere just in case...

you never know when you're going to totally fucking lose it somewhere!

7. Maybelline Volume XL lip plumper in Blush

8. Beautique lip pencil in Natural

9. Rimmel brow pencil in Hazel

10. MAC Cremesheen lip color in Creme d'Nude

What a slut huh.

I want to go to the store to buy a bicycle now but I also want to watch the last two episodes of Arrested Development and order food from Cafe Courier... son of a! You know I always choose food first. Food you are my homegirl.

So much pink!

2011-08-12T09:04:00.000-06:00

Yesterday we celebrated Priscilla's third birthday. Barbecue, so much pasta salad, rainbow cupcakes, strawberry ice cream with cupcake shells, lemonade, and iced tea. Pretty sure she's going to hop on the tricycle while we're sleeping and run away from home. At least we'll be able to hear her still... she likes to ding the little bell about every five feet.

My sweet, sweet little baby nose. I love you so much. I hope you had a wonderful day.

Alex Gross

2011-08-10T10:44:00.002-06:00

And my favorite (this was changed slightly and used for the Blonde Redhead album cover for '23'):

[Need this tattoo]

Alex Gross

The Art of Alex Gross

b. August 30, 1968

Roslyn, New York

Formspring... Rumspringa!

2011-08-10T09:50:00.000-06:00

I found a bunch of questions in my Formspring inbox and decided to start using it again.

http://www.formspring.me/curses

What's yours?

I have been making galaxy pictures in Picnik all morning :)

The words of my book nothing, the drift of it everything.

2011-08-07T08:28:00.000-06:00

Everything at Border's is at least 25-30% off. Even Moleskines! I finally bought the huge Peanuts anniversary notebook. It's so sad that this is happening though... I've used Matt's Kindle. I get it, they're pretty handy. But nothing beats a book.

Maybe someone will invent a book-scented Kindle.

[I still wouldn't buy it]

Things to do in the Bull Mountains.

2011-08-06T10:15:00.000-06:00

Priscilla and I brought homemade croissants to Mom's house for sandwiches: organic Parmesan and tomatoes, turkey, and special mayonnaise (I don't have a name for it- it's just fat-free mayo mixed with lemon juice, balsamic vinaigrette, onion powder, garlic powder, salt, pepper, and parsley).

Usually there are tomatoes and peas for Priscilla to pick from the garden, but this time I think my mom and the local deer took care of all them. She felt bad about it, so she bought a box of strawberries at the grocery store and set them inside of each planter so P could still feel like she was "picking" fruit. P then felt so comfortable that she got complete naked and watered the rest of the plants.

Yesterday we went to a couple garage sales and Mom bought this bobble head statue of Martin Luther (German), apparently thinking it was Martin Luther King, Jr. I didn't put that together for quite awhile. I also didn't know who Martin Luther was, so it made no sense to me. We were in the car and she asked if I liked it.

"No. I think it's ridiculous. It doesn't make sense."

"Why?"
"Because Martin Luther King was black. This guy is white and has red hair. Why is his name Martin Luther?"
"He's not white, he's black."
"Are you kidding me?"
"No. His hair isn't red, either."

"Seriously. Are you kidding me? Your skin is darker than his."
[Mom picks up the bobble head, holds him to her arm, and sees that he is three shades lighter]

"Oh."

A black man.

Roe your bote

2011-08-04T09:11:00.000-06:00

1. Priscilla brought a bunch of dirt and twigs onto the deck and we built a house. I think we did a pretty good job! The pile of dirt at the side of the house is the swimming pool, obviously

2. Salmon roe and avocado (ON TRISCUIT of course)

3. When I go to Albertson's, I get one or two contest tickets.

When Matt goes, he brings home 37. He also brings home an $11 watermelon, just for me!

Today I am taking Priscilla to Mom's. We're going swimming and I'm bringing croissants and cookies so we can continue CarbFest2K11 together!

Things, a lot of things--

2011-08-03T17:07:00.000-06:00

I am sitting in the kitchen, eating the kitchen. I made sugar cookies yesterday (the purple have vanilla frosting and the green, almond) and croissants last night, and I've been on a pretty serious carb rotation ever since. Gotta get my winter hips on.

Ok, saying that made me want to eat something healthy.

Aaaanyways.

Today is my oldest daughter's 11th birthday! She's going on a big bicycle ride with her friends :) Best birthday plan.

Priscilla is spending her afternoon running through the sprinkler and mowing the yard with Matt (it's not child labor, she really wanted to!).

Reading a lot over my little vacation (two more days still!)...

And a bit of seriousness...

I know that this is a public blog, and of course anybody who wants to read it may do so (I mean I get it, I am so super intriguing, HERE I AM EATING AN APPLE U GUISE), but I am getting frustrated. It's actually with some people who fall into the "family and friends" category. I can't tell you how often I hear, "I was wondering how you were doing... I was going to call you but I looked at your blog the other day, looks like everything is fine." Or, my favorite, when I don't hear from someone I used to be very close with for weeks/months, and then randomly check my stat counter and see that they actually read my blog daily, but never bother commenting/calling/texting/emailing.

What the hell is that? Again, yes, I KNOW that this blog is public. Free game, whatever. I also feel like it's kind of a complete and total dickhead move to just use it to stalk someone, which is what it feels like when someone makes it sound like their concern for me is genuine, but dismiss it after they look at a couple pictures of my kid and uh, what I ate that day. If you really give a shit about "how I'm really doing", you're probably not going to read too much about it here... for the most part, my dirty laundry stays in the laundry basket.You could always just, oh I don't know... ask. Be an actual friend. Orrrrr leave me alone. It's pretty easy. I have good days. I have bad days. I bawl my head off sometimes. I sing in the shower and I talk to myself in the car, and I don't think I'm crazy for doing any of those things. I'm a real person, not part of your shitty little rumor circle.

Ooh la la! Touchy subject. I don't even usually say anything that personal here, but this is something that's really been giving me a hard time lately and I just felt like throwing that out there.

Oops, that reminds me.

Ten thousand million years ago, I won a contest (FOOD, my favorite kind of prize, and all Lightlife products) at My Little Artichoke (author Ainsley, the absolute most darling girl probably in the galaxy, owner of 7,543,2309490358235 pairs of black flats) and I don't think I ever even thanked her here. Thank you little bracelet!

^I have gone from calling people things that I think are pretty sweet, like "little feather" and "little applecheeks", to things that sound a bit condescending but are still a little cute, like "little plum" and "little applebottom", to these new, nonsensical things, that are only cute because they have the word "little" in front of them. "Little bracelet", "little booklet", "little windshield wiper", "little tractor", "little potholder" (I guess that one would work if I ever meet any drug dealers?) etc.

Little Triscuit has got to be the best one... in fact, nobody use that ('cause you were about to run out and steal "little booklet" right?), I want to be Little Triscuit. I call that one.

Space Ghost, coast to coast!

2011-08-03T10:05:00.000-06:00

We spent our last day in Oregon driving, mostly. We went out to the coast and took a few pictures, had ice cream at the Tillamook Creamery, bought a few souvenirs, and ate a frightening amount of pizza. It was lazy and nice. I brought home some seashells for Priscilla, some funny horse poop candies for my mom (they're just chocolate-covered espresso beans, I hope), salted caramels, an Oregonian newspaper for Mom, a kitty top for P from H&M, and a massive lollipop that Matt bought for Priscilla. It was ridiculous. It was so huge that she dropped it five times in the first fifteen minutes of trying to eat it.

I am so, so happy to be home now. Five days is too long to be away! I definitely have some habits that are not cool to have around other people... five long days of not drying my hair in my underwear, not stretching across the whole entire sofa in my pajamas, no Roku to control (what's to control? all we watch is Arrested Development)... it's good to be back. I didn't get to see Lisa or Kurt, the only two people I wanted to meet up with, but... next time.

And now, guess what? Arrested Development! I am Lucille.

And to your left you'll see an Odwalla bottle in its natural habitat.

2011-07-30T20:56:00.000-06:00

Breakfast at Mother's.

Where's Waldo (a.k.a. the annoying Montanan with the camera)?

The strangest egg white omelette I've ever seen... don't you think?

It was so smooth and extra white and fluffy. It doesn't look real. I didn't like it.

The coolest two ladies in the world:

They were having problems purchasing a train ticket so we helped them.

The one in pink exclaimed, "It's FM!"

I thought, FM? But before I could ask, she laughed, "It's fuckin' magic."

Matt also helped her to pay for her tickets. She couldn't get her Visa to work.

"You just stick it in, then pull it out really fast," he said.

"Boy, I remember those days."

[the primate section depressed me, can you tell?]

Hello.

This is my favorite. Dainty little hippo daisy eating with her eyes closed!

This is how I felt at the end of the day...

I feel like I have never walked so much in my life. After the zoo we took a bus up to the Japanese Gardens, but by then we were both starving and ended up turning around (Matt says that I get fussy when I'm hungry).

I was desperate for something unhealthy so we got gyros from a street vendor. As I took about the tenth bite from my fork, I noticed something dark hiding on the other side of my gyro. It was a fork. I only picked up one fork at the counter, so I realized right away that I had been EATING MY GYRO WITH A FORK THAT SOMEONE HAD ALREADY EATEN WITH AND JUST LEFT SITTING ON THE TABLE. Oh my good hell. I still can't believe it. Mother Mary why, why. Oh son of bitch why.

I need a little rest now.

Wu C.R.E.A.M.

2011-07-30T11:22:00.000-06:00

Vineyards, antiquing, Oregon Brewers Festival (I really wanted the Wu C.R.E.A.M. beer to be my favorite just for the name but sadly, it was not), second lunch at Deschutes Brewery, supper at Portland City Grill, rickshaw rides, and trains. Today we're going to the Japanese Garden and the zoo. I still feel like all I've done is eat! We are trying to get everything sorted so we can visit other people but we may go to the coast tomorrow for our last night. All I've wanted to eat is salt... I told Matt that I'm going to jump into the ocean and then drink it.

Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?

2011-07-28T09:44:00.000-06:00

Here we are in Portland!

Pretty smooth trip so far, except the complete dickwad at the Horizon counter almost didn't let me fly because the name on my passport didn't match the name on my ticket. Priscilla behaves better during her tantrums than he did... there was a lot of heavy sighing and hand slamming and eye rolling. Wine was necessary to calm down after we finally made it away from the check-in area.

We had a nice flight...

...and pretty much all we've done since landing is eat. We picked up the rental car and went to the first sandwich-y place we could find, which was some family restaurant called the Black Bear Diner.

They sure do like black bears...

(I was not that impressed)

After second lunch we came back to Matt's friends Josh and Ali's house, where we are staying, to play with their teeny tiny baby for a little bit. His name is Liam and he's a month old, and we are trying to figure out a way to smuggle him home with us. He hates being naked!! How cute is that? The second his diaper comes off he starts wailing. Maybe we watch too much Arrested Development, but right when Ali told us that he hates to be naked, Matt and I both said "HE'S A NEVER-NUDE!"

Since we are both completely sick in the head, we went to Jack in the Box for dinner. I thought I missed it but I must have been thinking of something else because it was totally disgusting (SURPRISE!). But then Matt took me to TCBY and I was so happy I danced in the car.

Today we are going to do more than just sit around eating so hopefully I will have better pictures :) Matt's two younger brothers, Mike and Maury, are meeting us here this evening, so I'm going to try to Matt into taking me out for tourist-y things until then.

Right now is breakfast-time... we're going to Elmer's! I know we should be enjoying more local places that we can't really find anywhere else, but I swear I love Elmer's. We used to have two in Billings and my grandma took my cousin and I there all the time, but they're long gone now. Anyways, so Elmer's now, and then hopefully the little never-nude will be awake by the time we're back. We should buy him some cut-offs.

Poured myself a cup of ambition!

2011-07-26T13:25:00.000-06:00

Work is fun!

Aughra's House

2011-07-23T11:07:00.000-06:00

There's a house that we pass on our way downtown that I call "junk house". It's not exactly junk but I don't know how to describe it otherwise. It's like... it's the house that shabby chic threw up on. Everything in the yard is kind of cute and I think the owner is going for some kind of Victorian watercolor painting-type illusion, but to most people it probably just looks like a bunch of bed sheets and old irons strewn all over the place.

I always try to sneak pictures when I walk past but it's impossible because I'm afraid that the owner will come running out and tell me to leave her (it has to be a her... a dude cannot possibly live in this place) and her home alone. Also, I picture her looking kind of like that crazy-eyed witch from The Dark Crystal, which is a bit terrifying. Anyways, this was the best picture I could find from my stalking so far. When I finally get a good one, it will blow your mind.

***

Priscilla just left and I miss her already. I wish I could quit my job and just sit at home and do puzzles with her and feel her little baby arms around my neck all day long.

Precious Puffy Poodle Portraits [a day of alliteration]

2011-07-22T15:00:00.000-06:00

More vintage/antique shopping today! We bought a bunch of stuff at Montana Vintage and then popped next door to Yesteryear Antiques to look around. I bought those little sandals for Priscilla... guess how much? FIVE DOLLARS. Guess what the regular price was... eight. Haha. Some vintage stuff is so cheap here (some is still wildly overpriced, but you just have to shop at the right booths).

The poodle's name is Tami, as you can see... its owner wrote that on the portrait with a pencil. Little puffy precious poodle paws. I fell in love with little Tams right off the bat, but we probably would have left the store without her had we not run into Matt's mom.

"Matt, I think you need to buy that for Coralene."

"I think you might be right."

Sold!

I repeat, I did not.

2011-07-21T16:35:00.000-06:00

Priscilla and I went for a walk downtown again today. I bought some new jewelry/hair accessory boxes at Montana Vintage and then we had ice cream and went to Good Earth Market. Well, P had ice cream. Well, ok, back up. P said she wanted ice cream, I bought her ice cream, she wiped it all over her face, the chair and the table, then ran around the restaurant like a crazy person until I was so embarrassed we had to leave, but nobody actually "ate" any ice cream.

Since yesterday's Indian restaurant incident, Priscilla has really latched on to the phrase "pooped your pants". I suppose we shouldn't have said it like that, even if it was a joke. She kept getting the words confused and was saying, "Mama pooped your pants!" ...which of course has now evolved into "Mama pooped her pants!"

I did not poop my pants.

What is the weather like in Portland this time of year? I'm trying to decide what all I need to pack for a week. It's so difficult... I don't know the meaning of "pack light".

everybody poops.

2011-07-21T08:57:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Matt, Priscilla and I walked to the Indian restaurant downtown for supper. I'd been home cleaning all day and just felt like going on a long walk. We put P into her stroller and left, but about two blocks away I realized I'd left her diaper bag at home. I made a very amateur decision.

"She'll be fine, it's only for an hour or so."

You noob, Coralene.

I love this restaurant, but it was total shit last night. Our server was this high school white girl who didn't know anything about what she was serving. Plus she sucked. When she spilled water all over our table, Matt tried to make her feel better by saying, "It's ok, my body is 70% water." She misinterpreted that as, "So go ahead and just leave it there" and said, "Oh ok!" and walked away.

Anways. We ordered a salty lassi (GROSS, NEVER AGAIN... this morning I described it as tasting like the inside of Snowbird's* sock in late July) and onion bhajji but had to leave early when Priscilla loudly announced, "I POOPED!"

Soooo we boxed up our food and ate at home.

Later I was talking to Dana...

Dana: How was dinner?

Me: Good but Priscilla pooped her pants in the restaurant.

Dana: Ha! Is she ok??
Me: Yes it's fine, everybody poops their pants in Indian restaurants.

*Snowbird is a demented local Native American who rides around on a bicycle with a walkie talkie reporting everybody he can to the police for the most minor infractions he can find... like BREAKER BREAKER we have somebody here speaking too loudly in a gas station!! He is a total fucker and everybody hates him.

the lonesome stars

2011-07-20T16:08:00.000-06:00

1. This is the longest I've ever kept flowers alive. I think it's been over a whole week!

2. French bread baked this morning... going to put it back into the oven with artichoke hearts and Parmesan soon.

3. P loves her "girls". I think it's funny that the flower is held into her head with a nail. Safety first for the kids at all times.

4. Clown town Julie Brown!

5. Need to clean my closet

Ooh, that shirt on the back of the chair! It's from the little girl section at Target. I go into these phases where I kind of fall in love with kid clothes... sometimes stuff in my size is just not that great. I'm going to fight P for her wardrobe some day.

Makes me happy. MAKES ME HAVE A DIMPLE.

***

This is on my mind today:

Heavenly Grass

My feet took a walk in heavenly grass.
All day while the sky shone clear as glass.
My feet took a walk in heavenly grass,
All night while the lonesome stars rolled past.
Then my feet come down to walk on earth,
And my mother cried when she give me birth.
Now my feet walk far and my feet walk fast,
But they still got an itch for heavenly grass.
But they still got an itch for heavenly grass.

-Tennessee Williams

the bust report

2011-07-18T07:34:00.000-06:00

1. I eat a box of Triscuits every few days. I eat them with everything.

2. Matt went to Costco and bought me THIRTY-TWO MORNING STAR SAUSAGES

I am nervous about work today. I'm filling in for someone when she goes on maternity leave and today is probably going to be her last day (if she didn't have her baby over the weekend), and I still feel like there's so much I need to learn. I have had nightmares of sneaking up to her room in the maternity ward at the hospital to ask her how to run certain reports.

On a lighter note, my vacation is in only NINE days now! I haven't been counting and just realized. Magnificent.

And back again, to a much, much darker note, I was attacked the other night. I'm pretty sure I must have been sitting on a pile of ants and didn't notice... I didn't feel anything biting me, but later I started to itch everywhere. Now my legs have so many crazy bites all over them that I can't even shave. I HATE YOU ANTS. I WANT TO FIGHT YOU.